Thursday, March 10, 2011

Why is it?

Why is it that I do my most profound, deep and inspiring thinking while I'm so sleepy I feel drugged or I'm standing in the shower (obviously sans pen and paper...or computer)???

I think I've come to realize that it's because it's where I'm most vulnerable.

Reflecting back on my life, I have built so many internal walls that at times I feel immobile. I push people away. I push feelings down. I doubt my every decision, every thought, every action. For so long, I lived in a state of constant fear. And while I am no longer paralyzed by fear, having found freedom in Christ, I still struggle, every day with that other me.

So, in a state of exhaustion, I am stripped of all mental barriers.
In the shower, I am stripped of all physical barriers.
I am only me.
And the freedom of not boxing myself in, not allowing me to get in the way of me, enables my thoughts to unravel...enables my mind to stretch out....enables my feelings to expand into worlds of words.

But there's a problem.
I have to sleep, I have to dress, I have to live.
So insomnia becomes my friend,
Showers a place to escape inside,
and each day I work so hard at letting myself just be.

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