Thursday, March 10, 2011

Outpouring to My God

Lord, so often I come to You as a last resort, as a back-up plan when all my efforts fail.
Why do I put the Creator of the universe in such a powerless position?
I am so obstinate, prideful to think that I am capable of handling things better than You could.
Lord, help my ignorance, help my pride, help my sense of unworthiness, help me to remember that I am a chosen child of God, that you hand-picked me for who I am and what I have to offer.
Help me to realize that I am a sacred treasure of the kingdom of God; not so that I may flaunt or find glory, but that I may finally find who You created me to be...
before the poison of this world infected me,
before my compass was turned upside down,
before all the pain, before the hurt, before the betrayals, before the loss,
before all the lies that I so readily and willingly believe.

Help me to see the truth of who I am in You: my home, my dwelling place, where I belong.
Help me to leave behind here, high in the mountains, all the doubt, fear, self-hatered, lonliness, emptiness;
help me leave behind the loud voice of all the things that haunt me.
Lord, turn me from what comes naturally to me.
Lonliness can be so powerful at times Lord, the utter despair of feeling unknown can seem to be unconquerable.
Please help my unbelief, help my misunderstandings, my distrust, my simple insecurities, my doubt.
Turn my eyes Lord so that I may look full upon Your glory and through the discernment of Your spirit allow me to finally see truth.
Seal me for Your kingdom...
shut out the anger, the fear, the anxious longings of the little girl that I still am.

Thank you for using this week, this time of trial and uncertainty,
the creeping up of all the things I thought I had already conquered on my own,
to recreate that thirst in my soul, that elemental longing for what only You can satisfy in me.
Open my heart to the possibility that I am finally ready to let go of all my endless needs.
Help me realize that You are bigger than the depth of those needs,
You are bigger than the ocean of lies that has filled my head.

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